I have never known what it was like to be small. For me I came into this world over weight at almost 13 lbs I was told. It frustrates me. A friend once said when she saw my chubby baby pictures, "I love chubby babies, they are so cute!" Why is it acceptable to love chubby babies, but not chubby adults? Why can't people just accept us as we are? The truth is as adults we are not accepted into society, because the people who are quick to judge have most likely never been in these shoes.
Before, all this would overwhelm me to the point I would give up and learned to live within society's snickers and laughs. I have asked myself since beginning to drop weight, what changed this time? I wish I had an answer, I think I would be rich!!! Ha Ha I don't, but I have seen a few observations.
There were two things I had to come to grip with. One I had to accept the fact I was "obese" and not just overweight, big boned, or fat. I was obese. That was a hard word for me to say. After all if I was considered overweight at only 20 lbs above my ideal weight, then maybe being called obese at this size was just a society thing and I wasn't really obese. Right? I could still walk and take care of my self and obese people I had seen on the news could not even get out of bed. Yeah, I was playing with my mind. So first of all I finally had to accept and tell myself I was obese. According to reference.com, a person is considered obese if their BMI is 30 or above. Between 25-29.9 is overweight.
I thought admitting I was obese was hard to do, but it was not as hard as the second thing. The second thing is not just one big thing, it is a million little things all together. But it all ties back to one thing, emotions.
I have a friend who has watched my weight loss journey unfold. She talked to me about her daughter and her struggles with weight loss. She made me stop and take a look back at life--again!! Have you ever felt:
- Out of control?
Now I can go back on my life and see other areas I need to get a grip on and work on those as well. My anger has pretty much dissolved by leaving the sugar alone it seems. The hopelessness, with no job for almost two years (it gets hairy at times) but somehow little miracles show up and I am okay for another month. I probably have the hardest time with unappreciated, I know I am appreciated and loved but I have a very hard time telling myself this. A couple of weeks ago a friend at church called me on the carpet for it, "Go ahead say it!! Say it!" I just teared up, "Say you love yourself Laura" I couldn't. I am trying, and it is very hard for me.
I try to tell every person that will listen to me, this journey is not all about the food and exercise you do or do not do. Everyone has the perfect diet for me to try, I remember I am on a journey and this is a life style change not a quick fix. It is only one piece of the puzzle. We need to remember there are many pieces, and we have to continue to find those pieces we are missing and those pieces we have found where they go in our lives.
This was me at 18. Do I look like I am an animal? Or that I need to lose 100lbs? That's what I was often called and told. At this size, I was referred to, as a cow, horse, ox and bull in a china closet. I was about 190 at the time, so I thought everyone was suppose to weigh 100 lbs. So as my life progressed, my weight was always an issue. I was never good enough for anyone or anything. Do you now see how emotions play such an affect on the whole weight loss cycle?
For those that have been losing weight Congrats!!! For those who are struggling and not losing what they think they should, don't give up. Take a look at these five emotions. For me, I think that I need to tape them to my fridge as a reminder to me of why I am eating. Remember this is a work in progress. If sugar and soda overwhelm you, go with one. Then the next step, is maybe to eliminate another.
I just want you all to know, I know this is not an easy journey but the rewards at the end will be so worth it. I was telling a friend today, one of my next steps is to get my hair cut and go back to wearing make up etc. She looked at me as though she wanted to ask "Why not now?" and I said, "Because I am not there yet." This is your journey!! Don't let anyone else tell you how you are going to do it. All I ask is that you not give up. And if you get to the point you want to--remember to give back! Find a way to serve. I promise it will boost those emotions and put you back on track!!!
Don't forget to take before pictures to refer back to on this journey.