Tuesday, January 4, 2011
My First Small Challenging Day:
Today some ladies heard me talking to a friend about the No Sugar No Soda blog. A little while later one of the ladies saw me eating some “chocolate” and said, “So what part of the No Sugar and No Soda category does that fall into?” I looked at her and held up the wrapper and said, “It;s Sugar Free”.
“So actually you are just substituting and not giving it up then” she said. I said, “No, I am breaking a habit that helps me stay away from eating the sweets.” Then I made the mistake of saying, “I know I can do this because last year I lost 70 lbs and I feel like it was largely due to giving up sugar and soda for 86 days. This year I want to lost 100 lbs.” She said, “In addition or total?” I said, “No in addition” and I realized I opened my mouth when I should have shut it. She just said, “Hummm” and I could see the wheels grinding.
Many thoughts have run through my head today as I have thought about this incident. It's not the first time in my life I have encountered it, nor will it be the last. I know we each have a different story to tell. I have heard the snickers, and whispers, and remarks my whole life. I have never been a small person nor will I ever be. My goal is to get smaller and healthier. And if I can help others by encouraging them then I will do that as well. This is not over when we hit Valentine's Day hit, it will only be a break.
I know my weight issues have have come from my childhood and my background. For years I have done all the diets, and they worked for a while, but when I went off the diet, the weight came back and then some. Then there are the emotional issues I have had to deal with. On top of it all, it is society's perception has beaten me to a pulp because I was not the norm for society or anything close to it.
I did what I had to do to survive in this world. I know part of my weight was my protective wall. I have used my weight for a lot of excuses. One of the main ones I am seeing is it gave me an excuse as to why no one loved me. Oh sure people said they did, but I knew they didn't. Little did I know they did, I had to learn how to love myself and be loved in order to know I was loved in this society. Once I began learning these things and fixing the inside, only then could I begin to work on the outside. Learning those two things goes along way in the weight battle. Food is a comfort and safe place for many of us, but we need to figure out what is going on in the inside. If we don't fix the latter, I think our weight loss efforts will be a relvolving door that will never stop.
I was very proud of myself today. For one, usually my feelings mentioned above would have sent me to the nearest chocolate (which there was nearby today) BUT it didn't. Because I have set my own rules and guidelines for me on this journey. It doesn't matter what any one else thinks, this is my journey not theirs. Just as it is your journey!! We are all in this together!!!
I can tell you from experience, for me last September I had to gain a bit of control of my life and this was the only thing I could control—the sugar and soda. The weight loss was a huge benefit I always forget about when I do it. Now I realize it is also the base of helping me get back my life, emotionally and physically. I was glad I had my Sugar Free Chocolate with me today, it came in handy when I needed it. As I have said, THIS IS YOUR JOURNEY!! Do your best, don't give up and keep trying, it will all come!!
Has anyone else had any challenges yet? Or has it been smooth sailing?