STORY TIME
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| Pixie Stix |
When I was a kid, there was an easy way to make money. You found an empty pop bottle and took it to any store and they would give you 3 cents for the bottle. It was easy to find pop bottles and never any shortage of them. Back in those days also there was "penny candy". I remember a little store near where I lived where you could go get a small brown bag and just about fill it up with candy. Most the candy was like 4 or 5 pieces for a penny. Smarties was one, Bit of Honey, Pixie Stix and the other names escape me. If you wanted a full fledged candy bar, they were a nickle. Yes I am old!!!
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| Penny Candy |
Looking at the pictures now of the penny candy I forgot about the Rootbeer Barrels!! Which reminds me, as a kid in the 60's when soda was making a big splash were you allowed to have the Coke's, Pepsi's and other caffeinated drinks there are now? My mom bought them for her, but for us was the 7-Up and Rootbeer. It seems like most of the time we had Rootbeer.
The other cool thing about those days, was that when it snowed you could go out and shovel peoples sidewalks for a couple of bucks and the money added up fast. I was quite proud of myself saving my money in a jar and putting it in my desk, hidden away. Or so I thought. I don't remember what I was saving it for, only that I was saving it. There was probably close to $20 in it. And when you are only 10 or 11 around 1970, that was a lot of money!!!
I came home one day to find my jar completely empty!!! I knew my brothers had taken it. I just knew it. I went crying to my mom. I am sure she told me to quit crying (she always did) and then told me, she took it because she needed it. From then I took my jar everywhere with me, until I dropped the jar and it broke. Money went flying everywhere. So today when I find anyone has been in my space I have a very difficult time.
I rented a basement apartment in Provo, where the lady let her grandkids into my apartment to play with my Disney collectibles. "Well they are just toys" she said. She didn't get it why I locked my door to the downstairs every day. She did not like having to break through that door. I am sorry, but when I am sleeping or on the toilet you do not need to come in and ask me if I want a piece of pie. So yes I have a big problem with people in my space. So with that said, I will just say this week my spaced was violated.
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The first thing to go through my mind was all the past anger, getting frustrated and mad and then wanting to just say "The heck with everything". I know one of my safe places is the Family History Center and workng on genealogy. On our sign in table, there is a bowl of chocolate and candy that our director diligently fills each day. I thought about that bowl all day long and knew I could get there early, have a few pieces, drown my sorrows and no one would know the difference.
But then this blog came to my mind and I knew more than anything I could not let anyone down. It was hard. I cried and told myself how stupid I was for even starting such a thing, all the doubt and negativeness was creeping in. Then I said a prayer, many many prayers. Because I truly needed to get through this without the reliance of food and especially sugar and soda.
I wish I could say that was the end of it, but it wasn't, when I dropped into bed that night and woke the next morning I felt the same way I did the day I didn't eat and had alot of turmoil in me. Plus it did not help that I had only 5.5 hours of sleep. I just couldn't go back to sleep. All the things I keep preaching to all of you. So yesterday once again I had to deal with it again!!! How I wanted that chocolate!!! I even went to the store and found a parking spot and then just sat there. This blog came to my mind and some of the things I have mentioned in here played out in my head. And yesterday once again was I not only tempted by the candy bowl, but someone had brought cookies as well. So you all kept me inline!
So through it all, I can proudly say I had no sugar and no soda. But I also realized one of the things that triggers me into these temptations. One of the things that was said to me was, "You never answer your phone". I have tried to explain over and over I do not answer my phone and to leave a message. It is a prepaid phone and right now there are 0 units of time on it. How do you find a job with no phone? I also explained to this person that I was "working" in the Family History Center, helping a client and could not answer my phone. To which she said, "Are you getting paid? I think not! SO YOU ARE NOT WORKING!" I took a deep breath and left and got in my car and cried. We were able to smooth everything out, but it was rough and I realize I have my guards back up.
I know I have few triggers in my life. Invasion of space is definitely one of them. I also know that I cannot change anyone, only myself and how I deal with it. Even though I made it through okay, it was a rough ride. So my question to all of you today is:
What are you triggers?
Triggers are the things that set us off and make us go from "I can do this" to "I can't do this". It doesn't have to do with food. It can be anything that takes you from your safe place and puts you on the emotional roller coaster. Once we can begin to identify these we can take the next steps in our journeys to get healthier.
For me, I think my triggers are:
Invasion of my space
My weight --several things on that one
My Mother -- again several issues on this one
My family -- same as above
That is why I mentioned earlier we need to write 10 things we like about ourselves. It will be all the good that will overcome the bad, and I do believe "Good Guys always win in the end!!"
I do want to add one more thing, I do know (but had to convince myself), that the comment made to be about "not working" was not meant in the negative way it was to me. We often release our frustration and emotions on the things or people we can have control over, because we need to have some control in our lives. If that makes sense?
ReplyDeleteI think my triggers are weighing myself and not seeing the results that I am expecting. Also, feeling like people in my life do not appreciate all that I do. I may not turn to food, but I think it puts me in a bad mood and it's hard to get motivated to exercise.
ReplyDelete@Stephanie--I truly think the first step is figuring out what triggers you. By doing that (which you did) it puts us all into the "bad mood" and then we start defeating ourselves. We are the only ones who can change, we can't change others. So the two triggers you mentioned have you found ways to combat them? I can certainly relate to both of them. I have an earlier blog about the scale. But since then, I do go walking three times a week and I can feel a difference. As for the second, I know people care about me, but often feel as though I am all alone. That is when I have to dig deep and get out of that hole (mood) before I did myself so deep into it. For me I have to remind myself I am a daughter of God (don't mean to sound preachy but it helps me). I also have to remind myself all the people that have reached out to me, and then I go to my safe spot. Which this week was genealogy. Turn it around Stephanie....YOU CAN DO IT!!! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteTough time LauraLeigh, wishing you a great weekend. I admire that you stuck to your guns, I know how tough that is to do! Congrats to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm like you Stephanie. That's one of the reasons I stopped weighing myself. Also feeling nervous and stressed, are triggers for me. I like the idea of finding a soft spot, LauraLeigh. Now I have to figure out what that is. I'm really not certain. How do you figure that out? I'm impressed you didn't give up. Glad we could help;o]~
ReplyDeleteSafe Spot, Soft Spot it is all the same thing. It is that one point in your life you can go to when you need to that makes you feel safe and you can conquer anything. Nothing is going to stop you when you are in that spot.
ReplyDeleteWith that I have a few safe spots. One is on a bench, by a stream, in a beautiful meadow. It is not a "real" place but a place I go to when I go to sleep at night. Another place is just moments I have had. When my mom passed away almost a year ago, although I was in Texas and she in Iowa, I know I was by her bedside. When someone slammed a door and woke me up, I struggled to go back to that spot. It was the most peaceful place I had ever been. So sit down and think about the places you feel safe, you love to go in your mind or a moment you have had that stands out. Not too long ago a friend from church hugged me, called me by name and said, "I love you!" All I could think of, is this must be what it is like to have a mother's love. It was very comforting for me.
Go through photos, or journals, or your friends list and find those moments when you knew life couldn't be any better. It will come. Just don't give up!!!