Today "my girls" Tiffany and Erika dragged me out to go walking AGAIN!!! It was spitting rain and I really didn't want to go. Erika reminded me since I don't have any sugar in me, I would not melt! So we walked around the building, baby step by baby step for me. It was odd, just this morning I felt so puffy and thought I needed to get rid of this puffiness and thought about trying to eliminate salt from my diet as well as the sugar and soda. I know that leaves very little to eat. Actually maybe I will eat what I am supposed to eat! Ha
As we were walking Tiffany said I am going to be your back seat driver (I think is what she called herself) and said, "We need to eliminate salt from our diet." How weird that I had just thought the same thing this morning before we walked. So with that on my mind, from walking I went to yet another staffing agency interview. I had some small hopes of maybe getting interviewed for a REAL JOB....but no that did not happen. That has been the story lately.
Anyway, it was so hard for me to walk and I admit shed more tears than I have recently. The rain and humidity makes my hair look as though I have not brushed it in a month. It was just a rough day AGAIN. Then I was on a wild goose chase for a package (I did not order - another story) and on my way home I stopped at the Family History Center to work on my community service. Yes I have community service.
In December I was stopped and presented two gift certificates (tickets) from the Williamson County Sheriff. I was told I was stopped for not coming to a complete three second stop at the stop sign. Sorry about that, it was only 2 1/2 seconds!! But that is not what the tickets were for. One was for letting my registration expire the day before the other was for having a Utah Driver's license. Because with no job or money to pay the ticket I was giving 15 hours of community service. Where? In the Family History Center where I love to be!!!
So here is my problem and why I need to revamp my life. First of all I feel guilty for doing community service for the Family History Center, even though I know we service much of the community there. Everyone else has said, "What a great blessing" and I tell myself, "I don't deserve this." I feel as though I deserve to be put on display somewhere being laughed at and mocked. I was trying to figure out why I felt like this and it keeps going back to all the inside crap I keep carrying around with me. I feel as though I have tried "everything" to rid myself of it. Maybe I have not tried hard enough? Maybe I am missing something?
Even though I can leave the sugar and soda alone, I still find myself reaching for food (any food) when I get stressed. But I am going to work very hard on cutting back on the salt starting with the chips. So as far as revamping my life here is what I am going to try and do. You all also have my permission to call me on something I slip up on:
- Stop my complaining period! I need to look at each day as a blessing and not burdens!
- Keep staying away from the sugar and soda.
- Keep not eating in my car (I am failing at this miserably!!)
- Drink at least 64 oz of water a day.
- Write down all I eat. How do you all do this? I do not have an Iphone so that is out. Any ideas?
- Continue to walk 3 times a week, but really need to step it up to twice around the building instead of once.
- I need to learn how to LOVE MYSELF!!
I recently came across a quote that I liked and thought I would share here.
I do understand so much more now than I ever have. I know that all of the garbage in me is from years of abuse by others and myself. I just need to find the key to unlock the door and straighten it all out.
So there you go....my last pity party and why I have been absent the last few days. I am still here and still am going to do this to the best of my ability!!! Sorry for dumping on you all again!!!
How is everyone else doing?