Revamping Life.....

Is it really ONLY day 4 of the No Sugar, No Soda challenge?  It seems like it has been a month and we should be on the downhill side of it!!  Yes it has been one of those weeks again that I am getting quite tired of.  It seems like it is week after week after week of this.

Today "my girls" Tiffany and Erika dragged me out to go walking AGAIN!!!  It was spitting rain and I really didn't want to go.  Erika reminded me since I don't have any sugar in me, I would not melt!  So we walked around the building, baby step by baby step for me. It was odd, just this morning I felt so puffy and thought I needed to get rid of this puffiness and thought about trying to eliminate salt from my diet as well as the sugar and soda.  I know that leaves very little to eat.  Actually maybe I will eat what I am supposed to eat!  Ha

As we were walking Tiffany said I am going to be your back seat driver (I think is what she called herself) and said, "We need to eliminate salt from our diet."  How weird that I had just thought the same thing this morning before we walked.  So with that on my mind, from walking I went to yet another staffing agency interview. I had some small hopes of maybe getting interviewed for a REAL JOB....but no that did not happen.  That has been the story lately.

Anyway, it was so hard for me to walk and I admit shed more tears than I have recently.  The rain and humidity makes my hair look as though I have not brushed it in a month.  It was just a rough day AGAIN.  Then I was on a wild goose chase for a package (I did not order - another story) and on my way home I stopped at the Family History Center to work on my community service.  Yes I have community service.

In December I was stopped and presented two gift certificates (tickets) from the Williamson County Sheriff.  I was told I was stopped for not coming to a complete three second stop at the stop sign.  Sorry about that, it was only 2 1/2 seconds!!  But that is not what the tickets were for.  One was for letting my registration expire the day before the other was for having a Utah Driver's license.  Because with no job or money to pay the ticket I was giving 15 hours of community service.  Where?  In the Family History Center where I love to be!!!

So here is my problem and why I need to revamp my life.  First of all I feel guilty for doing community service for the Family History Center, even though I know we service much of the community there. Everyone else has said, "What a great blessing" and I tell myself, "I don't deserve this." I feel as though I deserve to be put on display somewhere being laughed at and mocked. I was trying to figure out why I felt like this and it keeps going back to all the inside crap I keep carrying around with me.  I feel as though I have tried "everything" to rid myself of it.  Maybe I have not tried hard enough?  Maybe I am missing something?

Even though I can leave the sugar and soda alone, I still find myself reaching for food (any food) when I get stressed.  But I am going to work very hard on cutting back on the salt starting with the chips. So as far as revamping my life here is what I am going to try and do. You all also have my permission to call me on something I slip up on:

1. Stop my complaining period!  I need to look at each day as a blessing and not burdens!
2. Keep staying away from the sugar and soda.
3. Keep not eating in my car (I am failing at this miserably!!)
4. Drink at least 64 oz of water a day.
5. Write down all I eat.  How do you all do this?  I do not have an Iphone so that is out.  Any ideas?
6. Continue to walk 3 times a week, but really need to step it up to twice around the building instead of once.
7. I need to learn how to LOVE MYSELF!!

I hope all of you have a partner you can do all this with.  I do not know what I would do if I did not have Erika and Tiffany.  One of the problems I have is that whether I want to admit it or not, I have a hard time accepting the fact that people love me and want to help me.  I hear the words, and know they care.  But inside of me I ask myself  "Why does anyone care?"  Soooo hard!!!  Harder than leaving a stupid piece of chocolate alone.

I recently came across a quote that I liked and thought I would share here.

"Life is lived forward, but understood backwards." 

I do understand so much more now than I ever have.  I know that all of the garbage in me is from years of abuse by others and myself.  I just need to find the key to unlock the door and straighten it all out.

So there you go....my last pity party and why I have been absent the last few days.  I am still here and still am going to do this to the best of my ability!!!  Sorry for dumping on you all again!!! 
How is everyone else doing?